Benjamin's Writings

a creative piece

I’ve been in a flurry of emotions; a flood of angst-filled waves; all consuming.

It’s been just short of two weeks – thirteen days – since I have moved up North. I already have “boy troubles”. I hate it. Truly, I despise it. But I wouldn’t swap it for anything in the world. Not a single thing. Because – and this is the upside – it’s new, it’s fresh, it’s exciting and exhilarating. It’s a bundle of emotions that I have never quite felt before – not so clearly, despite the blur of it all.

I fall hard. Hard and fast. I know that about myself – that’s why I’m heart-deep in this mess of emotions and thoughts and feelings and skin. His skin. I crave it, daily; hourly – and this craving is obtainable, and certainly tangible. I think that’s what makes this so much more painful.

Before:

Unrequited is different. Painful for sure, especially because you know it’ll never be real. I thought I had experienced heartbreak. Maybe to an extent I have. But that was of my own accord – my own fault.

Now:

It’s much different. It’s increasingly frustrating, actually. Because I’ve felt his skin – tasted it. I know what he’s like, how he is, what he wants. It’s not me. That’s what makes this so much more painful.

I’ve had little bite-sized pieces of him. Had a taste of most sides to him. And I want to taste more – to taste all of it. And what makes it so frustrating is that I don’t think he wants the same.

It’s taunting.